an awesome song. makes me think a lot about how i should see life.

Change

Last night I was struck by the most intense feeling. This feeling was indescribable to me but stayed with me the whole night. I couldn’t recall anything like it but it completely threw me off. This feeling I could only think to call … change.

Feelings, emotions, whatever you may call them; these emanations of consciousness are something that I have always meditated upon. To me, at least, they are something profound and powerful. They are something that we only see the surface of, not seeing what lies in the depths. It has always been my first instinct to hold my breath and dive in hoping to find anything that might bring a bit of light to my dim understanding of things. Anyways back to the story…

I was watching a movie with my family when the feeling hit me and pulled me from the world. I wrapped my mind around it, staring absentmindedly out the window on the ride home and sitting next to my bed once I arrived while trying with all my power to understand just what this feeling was. It was like a combination of focus, apprehension, determination, nostalgia, and déjà vu. Suddenly I recalled having this feeling before. It was almost a knowing. Like my subconscious was shouting at something at me that was just muffled enough to only hear the tone in the voice.

This feeling, this thing, is what I know as change. Not in the way that one feels when he or she reflects upon how their current life is so much different from that that it previously was, but more comparable to that loud whisper that you hear if you listen to the air just before heavy rain come crashing down all around you. It’s knowing that the future is coming, it’s my life’s tide flowing through eternity. It is like facing blind eyes upon a map to my life. All I can do is wait and see where life takes me.

The only comfort I get from this feeling is knowing that it is real, and that while I can’t see what bell is ringing this tone, I know through its ringing that it is there and time will only tell what it’s sounding for.